he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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