There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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