If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
