so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
