Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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