So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
