I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
