it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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