i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
