Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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