just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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