I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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