She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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