we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
