Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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