remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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