i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
