bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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