she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
