remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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