i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
