Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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