And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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