I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
