to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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