I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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