he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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