i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
