Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
