We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize