She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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