FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
