Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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