I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
