he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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