Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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