Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
