You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
