when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
