I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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