that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
