can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
