My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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