Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
