The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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