They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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