Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
