Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
