i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
