so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
