no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
