Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
