Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize