i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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