I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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