Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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