I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
