Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
