i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
