I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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