I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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