I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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